Now What??

So I've spent the past 6 months eating clean, imbibing water by the gallons, working out hours almost every day, even going under the knife to make some much-needed upgrades to my hardware-- all to meet my goal of competing in a bodybuilding competition.

me at my worst, 2001, 155 lbs

me after 3 babies, 2006, 126 lbs

And like that, they're over. Done. Finito. Months of sacrifice. Two competitions. No trophies. But my best body ever, and no one can take that satisfaction away from me. Except for myself, of course. So what now? How do I not sabotage my efforts and revert to my body of yesteryear?

Do I need the constant impending threat of standing on a stage and being judged to maintain this body? Do I want to compete again in the near future?

me yesterday, 118 lbs

my best side!

If I had to answer that question after the NPC competition, I would have said, "Hells no." That experience was demoralizing, intimidating, with very few bright spots. But yesterday at the NGA show, I actually had FUN. How to account for the different experience?

First, I had my first competition under my belt. I had the nerves out; I knew what to expect; I had been through "dress rehearsal." Second, it was a smaller show. Rather than 20 girls in my category, there were 9. Initially, there had been only 4, and then 2 weeks prior, 5 more registered. Which is too bad. I may have actually placed with only 4 in the category (NGA places top 3). Third, as my trainer rightly informed me, NGA attracts a different crowd. NGA is all-natural, and for some reason, this meant more down-to-earth, less cut-throat competitors. Or maybe everyone seemed friendlier because all us girls were crowded into one tiny dressing room with one toilet sans stall. Yes, an open toilet. Never have I chatted with a complete stranger, who stood buck naked being rubbed down in tanning juice by another girl, while I peed, delicately wiping as to not smudge my self-tanner all over my thighs. Talk about immediate BFFs.

I actually shared my Bikini Bite with #1 (my nickname for the girl who not only won overall at NPC the week prior, but is also the reigning champ of NGA Pro Bikini-- thought there was a rule about not competing in a comp you've already won, but guess not-- and she won again at NGA last night.) #1 wasn't the warmest, friendliest girl, though she was nice enough as I engaged in conversation with her from the coziness of the communal pot (yes, we all know I have to pee quite often).  Not sure if she's "just shy", overly focused, or just plain above the rest of us. The girl's body is utter perfection. She doesn't even smile on stage; she doesn't have to. She just swaggers, catlike, eyes demurely half-closed as if she's gracing the crowd and the judges with her presence. I watched the head judge, a female, virutally swoon over #1, just like she had the week before at NPC. #1's husband also competes & competed last night-- it's disgusting what a gorgeous couple they are. #1 pretended to be nervous, more in an effort to fit in with the other girls than actual lack of confidence. Of course, when you're always #1, I guess there's actually something to be lost.

me & my bikini BFFs

The other girls in my category this week were awesome-- friendly, open, funny. Oddly enough, a couple others had also been at NPC the week before and had never said one word to me. I guess the NPC atmosphere is just so tense it changes people. This weekend, we were all new girls. I was instant friends with a couple girls who hadn't been at NPC-- they were vulnerable, cute, and cracked jokes with me the entire time backstage. We sprayed one another in glitter and PAM (I opted for Muscle Juice instead), pep-talked one another, and shared delightful conversations about all the food we planned to eat right after. It was so great to be surrounded by people who got it-- got what it was like to train, to diet, to stand on stage completely vulnerable and hope you didn't land on your arse while pivoting for a rear shot. Despite what "civilians" might assume, these girls were bright, funny, and talented. Many of us are moms. One was a pilot, one a cosmetologist, and of course myself a published fitness writer. Another competitor in the figure category and mixed pairs (she actually did a routine with her bodybuilder husband that was quite amazing!), is a school teacher, her husband a school supervisor. I don't know how they find the time to train-- maybe they bench press their students!

Yesterday, I knew I didn't place again, even as I stood in the line-up (though I must say, there were complete strangers in the audience aka not blood-related who shouted out my number-- I actually stood out to people!), but I did what I set out to do . . . have fun. I took what I learned from my first comp, namely more bling, bigger hair, darker tan, more confidence, and got it did. Shout-out to my baby sis Jody who made my hair look fabulous :)

me & Trainer Jill

And I did what I didn't set out to do . . . decide that this wouldn't be the end of my competition career. Dunt, dunt, dun . . . (Thanks, Jill, for getting me on this path, and for the beautiful flowers last night!)

Not sure if I'll be ready for spring shows, since I just registered for the Ogden Marathon in May, and I don't think I can combine marathon training and bodybuilding training simultaneously. But maybe next fall I can aim for figure. Because as I looked around backstage, I noticed that I was actually more cut than half the figure competitors, and probably too cut for bikini. Not sure how I'll lean out even more, but Trainer Jill thinks if I could get from point a to point b, it's not much farther to get from point b to point c. I think it may require some more nip-tuck, though, because there's nothing I can do about the loose baby skin hanging around my hard-earned abs. This is a big aspiration, because if you think Bikini has a lot of competition, you haven't seen Figure. Figure was divided into short, medium, and tall, and each still had 8-12 girls! Talk about slim odds.

But like I've learned, it's not about the trophy. Though I am tempted to go buy myself one, because, damn, it would look great on my mantle and I deserve it! If anything, I can always just enter the women's bodybuilding category, because no one ever enters that one, I'd get to do a fun routine to music, I wouldn't have to wear those blasted 4-inch heels, & I'd pretty much be guaranteed a trophy! Now there's a plan . . .

So back to the blog title: now what?? First, Vegas Ragnar! Yikes. I have not been training & realized I get to run the most mileage (21 miles as opposed to 12-16) & the longest, steepest incline! Then a brief mild respite before hitting the marathon training.

Life is just too short to sit still . . .