3 Days to Go . . .

Yes, only 3 days left to lose 1 lb. For some reason, this last week has been challenging, probably more so than the first week. The first week, I was zealous for change! I had no idea what I was in for, and I was actually excited about the mystery of it all. Now, the mystery has faded, and all I feel is a desperate longing for dark chocolate. (Shhh . . . I ate 2 Ghiradelli 60% cocoa chocolate chips after meal #4 today. I wish I had sucked on them instead of gobbling them up, but at least I could still taste them on my teeth for a few minutes afterwards.)

Perhaps this week was made more difficult because it was my "social" week-- bunco Tuesday night followed by Book Group Thursday night. In the least tacky way possible, I tried to find out what my adorable Bunco host was planning for dinner. I needed to know: should I eat at home first or would there be something that fit my high-maintenance-I'm-so-special diet needs? First I interrogated a few other friends, who of course did not have the 411. Finally, I just sent a casual text: hey, babe. what's for dinner? Reply: taco salad. is that okay? (ahh, relief. anything with salad I could work with). text: perfect! anything with protein and veggies works. reply: my opinion, too :)

I should not have worried. She is a friend I can rely on for offering healthier fare. The taco salad was a la carte, and I loaded up on gorgeous salad greens, cilantro, green onions, kidney beans, and just a Tbsp of ground beef. (Yes, I brought the Beano.) It was so easy to skip the chips, dressing, sour cream, and cheese. What was not so easy to skip was the homemade sugary buttery monkey bread sitting on her oven. I succumbed to just one bite, then walked away. Damn those baked goodies-- my constant Achilles heel! WIll I ever NOT be attracted to the sweet smell of cookies, cakes, sweet breads, and pies?

To those readers who have not had the delight of participating in the game of Bunco, let me clue you in. Bunco night is generally 50% about the dice game (aka socializing while we roll dice) and 50% about the food. I skipped last month's Bunco, I'm embarrassed to admit, because I had just started the diet and didn't think I had the willpower and know-how to survive Bunco night unscathed. I blamed it on the hubby, though. Poor scapegoat. But back to the 50% food . . . in addition to dinner and dessert, there are bowls of candy on every table. Luckily, I am not tempted by Red Vines, but it did take some fortitude to ignore the Starbursts and mini-Snickers. I read in a recent article that it's harder to eat healthy if you are around skinny friends eating a lot of food as opposed to overweight friends eating a lot of food. When you see your skinny friends eating a lot, you feel that you, too, can eat like that and be skinny. Unfortunately, that is usually NOT the case. Either they have this disgustingly amazing metabolism or they just workout hours a day. Trust me, if you've ever seen me pigging out, it's the latter! I come from a family of gastric bypass patients-- fat LOVES us. I thought that article was really interesting, though. I kept it in mind at Bunco, reminding myself that just because all my skinny friends were downing the candy bowls didn't mean that I could get away with it. So I was a good girl. And . . . I won most buncos and the cutest necklace and got my highest score ever-- 424, beat that! Yeah, someone got 429 just to take the wind out of my sails, but I was still mighty stoked (I think only Utahns still use this word.)

So I survived Tuesday night for the most part. Enter Thursday night. Book group, luckily, is 30% about the book we read, 60% socializing and laughing and venting about our lives as wives, mothers, neighbors, sisters, and every other role we have to fill that we're not always thrilled about, and 10% about the food (okay, 50% about the food if you're the host). These girls are classy, talented, well-read, smart, and all very, very good bakers. It's criminal. I can't compete, and I've already exhausted my only good dessert-- dark chocolate fondue. Not only can I not compete, but I currently can't PARTAKE. Which is even more criminal!

The adorable host made this apple spice cake drizzled in caramel and vanilla ice cream that belonged on the cover of a Betty Crocker cookbook. No, Martha Stewart cookbook. Well, something more sophisticated-- if I bought those kinds of cookbooks I would know. But all I have are titled, "The Healthy Heart Cookbook" and "The Real Life Diet Cookbook" and "The Paul Family Reunion Cookbook". Everyone knew I shouldn't eat it because they are all in on my diet venture. But how could they possibly quell their moans of pleasure, compliments of delight, and looks of sheer joy? I drank my water. Then when everyone was busily chatting, I slipped unnoticed to where the host was still dishing out her dreamy, delectable dessert. I whispered to her, "Shhh. Just one bite please." She handed me a plate that she had already put a whole serving on. "I don't want to waste." "It's okay; it's already dished." I stealthily stole one bite of that heavenly cake and one bite of that creamy vanilla ice cream. And then I sat down. That was all I needed. I winked at her. "Don't let them know I really did taste it!"

Assuming that some of them read this blog, the truth is now out. Yes, I really do know how yummy that dessert was, I confess, I confess. Trainer Jill, please don't read this because I don't want to have to count that as my cheat for the week! If that was my true cheat, I would've eaten the whole thing! Jill warned me about these situations.

So people keep asking me if this diet, this program, this goal, whatever you want to call it . . . if it's temporary, or if it's a life change. There are moments when I want to say, "Oh, definitely, a life change! I never want to eat sugar again." Then there's the realistic me that thinks, "I want to continue this lifestyle but not as strict. I do want to continue to reduce my sugar-intake and eat more raw, real foods." But occasionally, there are the moments when, I confess, I think, "This sucks! My body's fine the way it is. I want to be a normal person and eat PBJs and pita chips and pineapple, lots of it, and ice cream, and cookies, even ones that come in a box, FOR THE LOVE!"

So we'll see which way I go . . .